But there is hope in Iwakuni! I’m guessing that while in Tokyo I’m probably not going to get the chance to really post much due to the reasons above. When we arrive in Iwakuni to meet and stay with Jacob, however, I will finally have some real time to do this so give it a couple days and the madness will come pouring in!

Thanks everyone, sorry for the wait, why don’t you try this yourself and see how you fare haha!

Here is a photo gallery of the final days of it’s construction

And a quick video showing the nighttime movements and lights!

Turns out it’s NOT that difficult for a man to get laid in Japan. Who knew?

You’re gonna fucking learn some fucking English kids! Fuck yeah! Now which one of you little fucks can explain to me the different methods in which I used the root “fuck?”

DSQUARED CHIP CHIP MotherFucker. What he said.

But not to party! Woooooo! Wait, who took my crown?

• American Dog – no this is not what they call us, this is how they refer to a regular corndog
• Cool Biz – the official government policy of banning neckties in summer to run air conditioning at lower levels
• Don’t Mind – similar to “nevermind” or “don’t worry about it”
• Fancy Shop – a store that sells cute culture items like “Hello Kitty” merchandise
• Free Size – the same as “one size fits all”
• Guts Pose – if a man is showing off his muscles he is said to be displaying a “guts pose”
• Handle Keeper – a designated driver for when you and your buddies decide to get plastered
• Open Price – there is no MSRP so it’s up to the shop to determine the price
• Paper Driver – someone with a driver’s license but who rarely drives
• Pipe Cut – a vasectomy (snip snip no more babies!)
• Plus (or Minus) Driver – a Philips-head (or Flat-head) screwdriver – kind of a better system for this one I would say
• Recycle Shop – a second-hand, thrift, or used goods store
• Roadshow – a movie that is playing in theaters
• Saloon – it’s just what they call a sedan
• Shutter Chance – a good opportunity for a photo
• Skinship – the image of a mother putting her baby into the bath (ok?)
• Viking – strangely enough means “all you can eat buffet”
• Virgin Road – refers to walking the aisle when getting married (for the very first time?)

Involving Food and Drink…

• Say “itadaki masu” before every meal - This phrase doesn’t translate into English but it roughly means “this looks great, i’m ready to begin eating!” and expresses gratitude for the meal. Plus Japanese girls will find it adorable!
• Never tip your servers - While it is practically expected here to leave a tip for food servers, it is offensive to the Japanese to be given this extra money. They have pride in their workmanship and want to offer you the best service they can for the price you have already agreed to. Tipping appears as a bribe or as if to say you are a better person.
  
• Do not pour your own beer – Serving others is huge in Japan so it doesn’t matter if you’re drinking with the Emperor or your closest buddies down at the local izakaya (pub) if you are drinking beer poured from a bottle then show some respect and fill up your friends’ glasses and they will surely repay the favor! Also remember to always pour, never drink from the bottle!
• Do not pass food from chopsticks to chopsticks – The only time the Japanese pass anything between two people using only chopsticks is at a funeral when the bones of the deceased are passed along by relatives using special chopsticks to be placed into the urn. Yikes!
  
• Do not stand chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice - This is also associated with death. At Buddhist funerals, rice is offered in this way to the parting souls! So just like passing food between chopsticks, this might bring about unpleasent memories for others, or make some people feel very uncomfortable.
• Do not pour soy sauce onto white rice - The Japanese are obsessed with their rice and take vast amounts of pride in it’s preparation, subtle grain flavor, and texture. It is considered a thing of beauty and if you pour your soy all over it you will be seen as a destroyer of beauty.
• Say “gochi so sama deshita” after every meal - Meaning roughly “wow that was quite a feast” it’s a common phrase for Japanese restaurant patrons. Say it to your sushi chef and he may likely bow to you or respond with “osamatsu deshita” which means roughly “I’m sorry I couldn’t provide a better meal” (even if this is the most amazing meal you’ve ever eaten).

…Specifically Sushi

• Order “omakase” style - This means it’s the chef’s choice of what you are given and pretty much ensures you’re going to get the best he has to offer because no matter how much you think you know about sushi, a sushi chef knows better and will show great pride in their omakase selections. It also lets them know that you’re not just a “tuna and salmon” Westerner!
• Do not mix wasabi into your soy sauce - Here in the States one of my favorite things to do when eating sushi is to homogeneously mix my wasabi into my soy sauce creating a spicy soup for dipping my maki. I’ve been told that this is considered rather impolite and, though it is only a minor faux pas, might sour some people’s opinions of you. However, it is acceptable if others around you are doing it as well. Just don’t be the first one!
• Do not touch community food with soiled chopsticks - When eating sushi with others, the entire order is brought out at once and everyone pulls the pieces they want onto their plates. When doing this you should be careful to use the correct end of your chopsticks! Instead of touching community food with the side you put in your mouth, flip them around and use the thicker end to pull your selections. Your comrades will appreciate this!
• Eat it the right way - Maki-style sushi (rolled) is more of a finger food, wrapped in rice and nori (seaweed) but when eating Nigiri-style sushi (the oblong rice patty with a strip of fish across the top), take care to avoid picking up the fish cut with your fingers and when dipping nigiri into soy, flip it upside down so only the fish cut touches the soy and put the entire piece into your mouth so that the fish side touches your tongue. Also don’t bite nigiri in half!
• Do not shave your chopsticks - Often over here we are given cheap disposable chopsticks that generally need to be rubbed together to remove possible splinters. In Japan, restaurants will usually never give a pair of disposable chopsticks but if they do avoid rubbing them together! It comes across rude because even disposable chopsticks should be high enough in quality that they will not splinter you.
• Eat every single grain of rice - Just 65 years ago Japan was a war-torn country with very little in the way of food. Many people would have done just about anything for a simple bowl of rice so leaving anything remaining in the bottom seems incredibly wasteful. Also by finishing every single grain of rice you are paying great respect to a worthy chef and they will adore you for it!

On the Streets of Japan

• Stop walking when eating or drinking - This might seem strange to us since we’re used to cramming our mouths while we rush to the next meeting or whatever but in Japan there is practically no such thing as walking and eating at the same time. Even on the streets if you stop at a vending machine for a candybar or soda, if you open it you must eat or drink it entirely before moving on.
  
• Keep your displays of affection private - While it is all too common to see a couple of lovebirds here in the States holding hands and smacking lips in Japan it’s a different story. Keep your private affairs private!
• Do not blow your nose - Even if its directly into a brand new clean hanky that instantly vaporizes upon use leaving no evidence of said excretion, this is still highly frowned upon. Apparently they all just go around sniffling a lot.
  
• Keep your voice down - Try to avoid talking loudly across a crowd or even on your cell phone as you will attract some unwanted glares from annoyed passersby. This applies even in loud areas like train stations. They just don’t do it.
  
• No touchies! Personal space! - Body contact, like even a handshake or pat on the back, is considered weird and unnatural, hence the whole bowing thing.  Even standing too close to someone or making prolonged direct eye contact with them can cause some awkwardness in the moment.
• No laughing unless directly at someone or something - Apparently if you nervously or sarcastically laugh about something either to yourself or others, perhaps at your own cultural blunder or embarrassment, you could be thought of as completely nuts!

In a Ryokan or Private Home

• Dirty areas are dirty, clean areas are clean - The Japanese believe in cleanliness above much else and apparently you will be beaten with a broom handle or nearest object if you step one dirty shoe-laden foot into a house in Japan.  They even have “toilet slippers” in the bathroom so your feet do not touch the dirty bathroom floor (regardless of how clean it actually is).
• Bathe before you boil - Baths are meant for soaking and relaxing, not for cleaning. Always soap up, scrub up, and rinse down completely BEFORE entering the tub! On a related note, their idea of “bathwater” temperature greatly contradicts our own and is closer to a lobster boil than a relaxing soak! Also don’t be wasteful and let the water run forever!

In a Store or Public Setting

• Do not directly hand money to the cashier - This will cause some embarrassment for the attendant taking the money. Instead put your cash or card in the designated tray on the counter. They will then take it from there.
• Salary workers will read explicit child porn on trains - It is not something our society tolerates but Japan apparently does so try not to overreact at this highly awkward sight. You will also see a lot of racism, misogyny, and homophobia!
• Don’t be over thankful - When leaving a store, the workers will most likely thank you for visiting. Don’t thank them back it appears awkward. Instead give a slight bow and just leave.

Tokyo/Glow from Nathan Johnston on Vimeo.